Hallo!
i was aware of the audio/video problem as this workaround is frequently suggested on the list to run 2 instances of pd and communicate with OSC. But in my case it's even a problem without any audio, just gem and midi input. that was new to me. i will try to receive the midi in another instance and send the control via OSC.
well, if you use 2 instances of pd you can of course also use netsend/netreceive, which might be easier ...
anyway, the hack to run 2 instances of PD is only to avoid audio dropouts, because Gem is not threaded (yet) ... so it would only be a hack and no solution to the problem ...
wich cpu load to you have in your patch ? maybe it's simply to heavy ?
LG Georg